The last post I made was back in 2013 and now it's 2019, it's been a good six years from the best moments in my life to where I am now. I'm not saying that I'm unhappy but life was much easier back then when common sense didn't really apply to make a decision, I don't know why I'm writing this, I guess looking back at my old post in 2013 really made me flash to the days where it was simple. Not like anyone who I know will read this. Just want to express myself in someway, and I thought maybe a blog would be the best way to do it. To follow up about "My life" on the older post, I'll explain to anyone reading this right now, if anyone is at all haha. Hi, my name is Ataa Kamal Martin. I'm half Australian - Indonesian, so I'm pretty much a mix blood and often get confused with Mexican or Middle Eastern. I'm currently 20 years old turning 21 in just a few months actually, and I applied for the ADF Navy about 1-2 years ago and yes it takes that long, not that I'm impatient but I can understand why when the country is in demand of the job. No shit right? I mean it is serving your country and it's an easy pass enough if you meet the requirements which is pretty reasonable and easy if you want to serve your country.
You see, I've always wanted to be in the Military in general ever since my Dad showed up home with the uniform after 20 years of serving. That's what really inspired me to push myself to apply for the ADF, and he wasn't done there. He eventually joined the Australian Federal Police and served the job in the Airport, and seeing him not sit still made me want to follow his path. After realizing that not only is it because of my dad but because of the experience, making new friends, travelling and getting benefits, it made my inspiration into desire and few years pass and months, I passed the PFA. The PFA is pretty much the "Physical Test" for entry to the ADF and I passed that. Failed the first time and went again and passed it, which made me pretty happy and my parents proud. So that's my current business, the Navy.
Alrighty, let's talk relationships and past relationships. Intimate and non intimate. My whole life I've never been alone, I've been in 3 real relationships, not counting the Middle school part because my parents would call that "Puppy love" and not a REAL relationship unless otherwise proven by staying together after middle school. If I mentioned middle school relationships, it would be more than 3, there's only 3 that I consider a real relationship.
First: The first one would have to be in Year 10, I'll call her AS. She was the first time that I actually felt a strong bond with, our relationship was like a marriage but without the bonds or vows, it was probably the best one that I'll ever experience but I've got to move on. She would remind me things I don't even know I had to do, wake me up, help me with work assignments when it was solo and overall "The one". Funny thing is it started by me teasing and bullying her, we hated each other when I first moved to her school. When I say "bullying" it's not what you think, it's more of name calling or yeah name calling. Eventually rumor started going around that I was moving to another school and out of no where she PM'd me through Twitter, asking if it was true. After a while we talked for hours and hours, I didn't even know how we connected so well. This became a daily thing, we "skyped" (when it was still a thing) until 2-3 AM in the morning. Keep in mind, we did this EVERY NIGHT until I asked her out. We started dating from Year 8 to Year 10, so a good 2 years of bliss and romance. I still remember the way I asked her out, it was a boarding school so things were hard to get or sneak pass, but I brought a single rose or a couple roses and kept it inside the janitors room because he was a good friend of mine (Of all the boys actually). I gave it to her after school asking her to be my girlfriend and she hugged me and said yes. Her friend was with her and I told her friend to turn around because I didn't want to make AS nervous. It lasted until I actually had to move school out of the country to Australia and it became LDR and it got rough.. I didn't want to make her suffer so I broke off the relationship by lying to her that I cheated, which honestly I didn't. I just wanted her to move on with life thinking I'm an asshole so she'd move on easily and I'd get depressed, cause I suffered 2-3 months of the heart break knowing I let her walk away just like that.
Second: This one was after High school when I dropped out for the Navy, the time frame of this relationship was pretty short but we connected so well. While waiting for the Navy, I went to a place called "TAFE". You see TAFE (technical and further education) is like University but for people without the qualifications I think? Umm.. Haha you can search up the definition, you can work your way through TAFE to get to University. I met this nice girl on the way to TAFE, her name is Alissa. I would take a bus route to the TAFE from home and I'd meet this girl daily, my TAFE course was only 6 months. In the first month of meeting her again and again for a couple weeks, I sat next to her and introduce myself because we'd always smile at each other while we both listen to music. She was Asian, so that was a good start already for me haha, but we got to know each other and I asked for her FB/Line/ and number which I got and we started talking. 3 months pass, we have a strong relationship and go everywhere together and I mean EVERYWHERE. We go to the gym together, go to Maccas together and sleep together when my parents are out or sleeping and I sneak her in or she sneaks me in when her parents are out/sleeping. 5 Months have passed and she finished her course, and she's going to leave for another city in Australia making this a LDR situation AGAIN. After I finish my TAFE course, she texted me that she wants to focus on her studies and I understand the situation for both of us. We're both so young so we have so many things to do in life, especially if you're living far apart from each other and we broke it off in 2018.
Third: This isn't a relationship, not an intimate one at least. But I met this girl when I just moved to Australia and stayed there for a year, so Year 11. I'm going to call her ZP, I don't know how I got her attention but when I first saw her I actually fell so deep for her and looked at her when she didn't notice. Eventually she noticed me and started to become my friend slowly, she gave me random gifts when we barely talked to each other that made me feel so guilty to say no. Thing is, I loved this girl and had no confidence to tell her. She eventually tells me that she has feelings for me and I push her away by saying "I have a girlfriend" already and it made me sick to my stomach that I lied to a girl I loved but she deserves better. This friendship was an on/off thing, we'd argue, not talk to each other and then talk to each other months later again and repeat the cycle. Man I love this girl, I really do but she deserves so much better than me. She's funny, strong, independent, smart and capable for handling situations a normal person would break in. Year 12 is when I dropped out to pursue the Navy career and that's when the Second relationship happened but after that me and ZP talked again and tried to make things work as friends but everything bad in that relationship was my fault. I treated this girl whom I love so much like shit by pushing her away when she wanted to be a part of my life. Again I convinced myself this girl deserves way better than me because I wasn't ready for a relationship. Early 2019, she contacted me again. We talked and laughed a bit, I'd reply to her messages and she would reply to mine. Sometimes we don't even reply at all and wait 24 hours before replying again but that's due to us being busy. Eventually I convinced myself yet again to hide my true feelings and push her away, or attempt to. She wasn't having it and after talking for a while, and arguing back and forth, I decided to tell her the truth. I hurt her more when I told her the truth, and I still regret telling her the truth but if you ever read this ZP. I did and do care about you, I'd never lie about that. I do love you and have feelings for you but I want you to have the best and I'm not considered one of them. You have a long way in life and I don't want you to waste any time on me anymore. I'm sorry for lying to you and hurting your feelings for 4 years straight without giving you an answer to the problem. I was the problem in our friendship and the solution was to break it instantly.
That's all I have for today, I might post whenever I'm feeling a bit nostalgic but that's all for tonight. Bless you and I hope if anyone read this, hope you enjoyed it. :)
You see, I've always wanted to be in the Military in general ever since my Dad showed up home with the uniform after 20 years of serving. That's what really inspired me to push myself to apply for the ADF, and he wasn't done there. He eventually joined the Australian Federal Police and served the job in the Airport, and seeing him not sit still made me want to follow his path. After realizing that not only is it because of my dad but because of the experience, making new friends, travelling and getting benefits, it made my inspiration into desire and few years pass and months, I passed the PFA. The PFA is pretty much the "Physical Test" for entry to the ADF and I passed that. Failed the first time and went again and passed it, which made me pretty happy and my parents proud. So that's my current business, the Navy.
Alrighty, let's talk relationships and past relationships. Intimate and non intimate. My whole life I've never been alone, I've been in 3 real relationships, not counting the Middle school part because my parents would call that "Puppy love" and not a REAL relationship unless otherwise proven by staying together after middle school. If I mentioned middle school relationships, it would be more than 3, there's only 3 that I consider a real relationship.
First: The first one would have to be in Year 10, I'll call her AS. She was the first time that I actually felt a strong bond with, our relationship was like a marriage but without the bonds or vows, it was probably the best one that I'll ever experience but I've got to move on. She would remind me things I don't even know I had to do, wake me up, help me with work assignments when it was solo and overall "The one". Funny thing is it started by me teasing and bullying her, we hated each other when I first moved to her school. When I say "bullying" it's not what you think, it's more of name calling or yeah name calling. Eventually rumor started going around that I was moving to another school and out of no where she PM'd me through Twitter, asking if it was true. After a while we talked for hours and hours, I didn't even know how we connected so well. This became a daily thing, we "skyped" (when it was still a thing) until 2-3 AM in the morning. Keep in mind, we did this EVERY NIGHT until I asked her out. We started dating from Year 8 to Year 10, so a good 2 years of bliss and romance. I still remember the way I asked her out, it was a boarding school so things were hard to get or sneak pass, but I brought a single rose or a couple roses and kept it inside the janitors room because he was a good friend of mine (Of all the boys actually). I gave it to her after school asking her to be my girlfriend and she hugged me and said yes. Her friend was with her and I told her friend to turn around because I didn't want to make AS nervous. It lasted until I actually had to move school out of the country to Australia and it became LDR and it got rough.. I didn't want to make her suffer so I broke off the relationship by lying to her that I cheated, which honestly I didn't. I just wanted her to move on with life thinking I'm an asshole so she'd move on easily and I'd get depressed, cause I suffered 2-3 months of the heart break knowing I let her walk away just like that.
Second: This one was after High school when I dropped out for the Navy, the time frame of this relationship was pretty short but we connected so well. While waiting for the Navy, I went to a place called "TAFE". You see TAFE (technical and further education) is like University but for people without the qualifications I think? Umm.. Haha you can search up the definition, you can work your way through TAFE to get to University. I met this nice girl on the way to TAFE, her name is Alissa. I would take a bus route to the TAFE from home and I'd meet this girl daily, my TAFE course was only 6 months. In the first month of meeting her again and again for a couple weeks, I sat next to her and introduce myself because we'd always smile at each other while we both listen to music. She was Asian, so that was a good start already for me haha, but we got to know each other and I asked for her FB/Line/ and number which I got and we started talking. 3 months pass, we have a strong relationship and go everywhere together and I mean EVERYWHERE. We go to the gym together, go to Maccas together and sleep together when my parents are out or sleeping and I sneak her in or she sneaks me in when her parents are out/sleeping. 5 Months have passed and she finished her course, and she's going to leave for another city in Australia making this a LDR situation AGAIN. After I finish my TAFE course, she texted me that she wants to focus on her studies and I understand the situation for both of us. We're both so young so we have so many things to do in life, especially if you're living far apart from each other and we broke it off in 2018.
Third: This isn't a relationship, not an intimate one at least. But I met this girl when I just moved to Australia and stayed there for a year, so Year 11. I'm going to call her ZP, I don't know how I got her attention but when I first saw her I actually fell so deep for her and looked at her when she didn't notice. Eventually she noticed me and started to become my friend slowly, she gave me random gifts when we barely talked to each other that made me feel so guilty to say no. Thing is, I loved this girl and had no confidence to tell her. She eventually tells me that she has feelings for me and I push her away by saying "I have a girlfriend" already and it made me sick to my stomach that I lied to a girl I loved but she deserves better. This friendship was an on/off thing, we'd argue, not talk to each other and then talk to each other months later again and repeat the cycle. Man I love this girl, I really do but she deserves so much better than me. She's funny, strong, independent, smart and capable for handling situations a normal person would break in. Year 12 is when I dropped out to pursue the Navy career and that's when the Second relationship happened but after that me and ZP talked again and tried to make things work as friends but everything bad in that relationship was my fault. I treated this girl whom I love so much like shit by pushing her away when she wanted to be a part of my life. Again I convinced myself this girl deserves way better than me because I wasn't ready for a relationship. Early 2019, she contacted me again. We talked and laughed a bit, I'd reply to her messages and she would reply to mine. Sometimes we don't even reply at all and wait 24 hours before replying again but that's due to us being busy. Eventually I convinced myself yet again to hide my true feelings and push her away, or attempt to. She wasn't having it and after talking for a while, and arguing back and forth, I decided to tell her the truth. I hurt her more when I told her the truth, and I still regret telling her the truth but if you ever read this ZP. I did and do care about you, I'd never lie about that. I do love you and have feelings for you but I want you to have the best and I'm not considered one of them. You have a long way in life and I don't want you to waste any time on me anymore. I'm sorry for lying to you and hurting your feelings for 4 years straight without giving you an answer to the problem. I was the problem in our friendship and the solution was to break it instantly.
That's all I have for today, I might post whenever I'm feeling a bit nostalgic but that's all for tonight. Bless you and I hope if anyone read this, hope you enjoyed it. :)
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